TRAUMA, TITTIES & TBRs –It started with a MySpace message
- Elle | Queen of Smut 💋
- Jun 20
- 3 min read
The Drawer of Digital Lust & Deployment Love
It started with a MySpace message. He stayed for the chaos… and the rope kink.
Episode 3
DEAR SINNERS of the Library of Sin,
There are love stories that start with roses. Mine? It started with a MySpace message and ended with me wondering how many times I could fantasize about being tied to a tree before it got weird.
Spoiler: it’s not weird. Not here. Not in the Library of Sin. So grab your wine, your dark romance playlist, and prepare to open the drawer where love, lust, and military madness collided—and somehow made a Queen out of me.
🖤 The Message That Changed Everything
I wasn’t looking for love. I had just clawed my way out of a situationship that left me scorched and cynical. So when some random soldier stationed in my German city messaged me on MySpace (yes, we’re going that far back), asking, “Hey, what’s there to do around here?” I gave him a brutally honest answer.
“There’s a bar. A park. And plenty of women looking for friends with benefits.” 😇
That was it. No flirtation. No hint. No winking emojis. The blunt neurospicy queen (who had no idea she was AuDHD at the time) was just trying to be helpful. Totally not inviting him into her life or her bed.
But apparently… fate had a wicked sense of humor.
💌 From MySpace to Mine
He kept talking to me. Messaging. Showing up. Not running.
When I say this man had The Butcher, aka Alexander (Filthiest of them all by Samantha Barrett) energy, I mean:
Slightly unhinged obsession? Check.
Brooding but protective vibes? Oh yes.
Would 1000% throw me over his shoulder and growl if someone looked at me wrong? Hell yes.
Sparkly? No. But if he'd had glitter in his duffel bag, I wouldn’t have questioned it.
And somehow, despite all the trauma I’d stuffed into drawers labeled too messy for love, he chose me anyway.
“Maybe this is what love is meant to be. Taking each other for what they are. Accepting that it’s alright to be broken and working through the tough times to have these.” — Heavy by M.L. Burns
🥀 18 Years of Mayhem, Madness & Marriage
Tomorrow—June 21st—we celebrate 18 years married, and 19.5 years together.
That’s:
5 moves
7+ deployments
Countless field trainings
Too many goodbyes
Infertility. IVF. Loss. Adoption.
Panic attacks in parking lots
Fights that felt like endings
And makeups that felt like home
People tried to break us. Tried.
Jealousy, lies, and emotional manipulation. We’ve had knives thrown at our marriage—sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically. But we? We sharpened them into crowns.
We built a life out of chaos and commitment. We built it with glue and grit and a whole lot of dark humor. Because how else do you survive love when life keeps setting your house on fire?
“4221 Forever Together – To love one another.”— Filthy Few by Samantha Barrett
🌲 Yes, I Still Want to Be Chased…
Here’s the part that makes this drawer sparkle with sin: I still want him to chase me through the woods. I still want him to tie me up and make me forget everything but the sound of his voice.I want to be hunted like I’m prey and kissed like I’m precious.
Yes, we’ve grown. Yes, we’re older. Yes, we’ve got battle scars and bedtime routines and grocery lists.
But I still look at him and think: “You’re the unhinged man I didn’t see coming… and now I never want to stop surrendering.”
And maybe, just maybe…
“…it’s the day you chose my heavy to carry.”— Heavy by M.L. Burns
👑 Final Thoughts from the Throne
Loving someone while healing? That’s war. Being loved while unlovable? That’s a miracle. And choosing each other again and again—even on the days when you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror?
That’s the kind of story I’ll write into every dark romance I ever read.
This drawer? It’s messy. It’s wild. But it’s also beautiful. Because it’s proof that even the broken can find forever. And even the Queen of Smut needs a stalker of her own.
But next time?
We’re stepping into a whole new battlefield.
✨ Episode 4: The Body I Didn’t Recognize Anymore ✨I lost the weight. And the tits. And the ass. But also… the shame, the silence, the softness I thought made me worthy.
With love, leashes, and loyalty forged in fire,
Elle, The Queen of Smut
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